Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Life and Times of Big Ell

This picture of Jhu Shan has nothing to do with the post. I just like the picture.

It was a beautiful day today so Mrs. Big Ell, Baby Big Ell and I headed out for breakfast and some culture at the Fine Arts Museum. After finally tiring out Baby Big Ell we were on our way home. Mrs. Big Ell suggested we go look at the future site of Costco Taichung. She said that we would no longer have to run the Sun Yat Sen Freeway gauntlet to pick up five pound blocks of cheese and bags of groceries. I told her that we shouldn't waste our time trying to find something that doesn't and will never exist. I explained that there have been rumors of Costco coming to Taichung for years. Just go over to NiHowdy and ask J-Hole about Costco coming to Taichung. I told her that the Costco Taiwan site has no mention of a Costco coming to Taichung. For further emphasis I said "COSTCO TAICHUNG IS A FUCKING URBAN MYTH!"

Well, Mrs. Big Ell was not impressed. She is not a fan of expletives and didn't buy my excuse tof being tired from staying up very late watching season two of the Wire. She said that is no excuse for using bad language and for me to imply that she doesn't know what is REALLY going on regarding construction in Taichung. She reminded me of some of the times I have been wrong and she has been right.

Big Ell: The Guggenheim is coming to Taichung!
Mrs. Big Ell: Hahahaha, not bloody likely. They will never get the money.

Big Ell: They will never build a new baseball stadium in Taichung!
Mrs. Big Ell: They have already bought the land on Chungte Road and started construction.

Even though I have a terrible track record I still thought Costco Taichung would never materialize. She explained again slowly, so that dumb asses likes me can understand, that they were building Costco Taichung right now. She said that she had in fact sold the steel to Costco to be used in building the building. She explained that the parking basement was already dug out. Sensing her rising rage, I kept quiet and asked for directions to the 'mythical,' Taichung Costco.

We headed south down Wenshin Road and I turned right on Wenshin 5. We drove past Feng Le statue park and further into the Taichung burbs. I was feeling vindicated as we didn't see anything resembling a basement for a grocery store. While resisting the urge to say I TOLD YOU SO we turned around and headed back towards Wenshin. She said she had made a mistake and told me to go straight. We passed Wenshin and lo and behold I saw a massive construction site on the left with a crane with a massive hole in the ground. There weren't any signs indicating Costco Taichung but the security guards confirmed it was the Costco Taichung site. I got out to take a picture but my camera was dead. So if you want to see the future site of Costco Taichung go south on Wenshin Road turn left on Wenshin 5 St. at the NPC gas station. It should be done by August-September and I can't wait to buy 2 litres of Salad dressing and 6 kgs of ground beef.



Karl said...

It's a five minute walk from my house. I envision the day when I will change my moniker to Big Karl.

Sean Reilly said...

And what would happen then? What would be next? Big Ni Howdy? The Big and Gentle Rant? No, I don't think so. While imitation may be the most sincere form of flattery, it could lead to a general cheapening of the whole 'big' paradigm.

Besides you're more tall than big.

Short Sean

Karl said...

Just you wait until I have the option to conveniently buy Costco hot dogs by the metric ton. I will be so big that Big Ell will appear, in comparison, not quite so big at all.

But you prescience is noted. For when I become unsatisfied with the level of customer service at Costco, I shall soothingly fume about it on my blog. And then millions will flock to my site to read Big Karl's Gentle Rant.

Do not expect any royalties.

Fraser said...

Figures. As soon as I decide to leave they open shop...

Karl - A 5 minute walk? If you really want to become Big Karl you should make that a 5 minute drive. Walking burns precious calories.

Big Ell - With that new job I hoped you would have more time for posting.

Big Ell said...

Karl: Just avoid the man tits, Trust me chicks don't dig em.

Fraser: Not yet grasshopper, not yet.

Red A said...

Y'all know you can order via fax and have it friggin' home delivered?

Michael Turton said...

YYeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Dude, I am retiring here. And I am moving in with Karl.

Big Ell, here's Jason Hu keeping up Taichung at its classiest. I saw this and I said to myself "Big Ell."



Anonymous said...


patrick said...

Wife started yakin' away yesterday about how Uncle Jimmy's business will suffer once the new Costco opens. I was just about to make some snooty remark like, "Costco Taichung: A Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside an Enema"--and suddenly flashbacks of your post lit a clear path to safety; I steered away from that collision course thanks to you.