Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Wasting Time

David Koresh and Big Ell


A few years ago when the whole David Koresh-Waco thing was going down I thought it was time to start my own cult. I figured it would be cool to have my own cult and a great way to meet impressionable chicks. I spent hours coming up with my cult’s beliefs and practices. Next, I tried to find some followers. Owing to the fact I am not a natural leader or very charismatic my cult failed. Then I found this link to create your own cult. Here is the Cult of Big Ell and some of our beliefs:

Religion Name: The Cult of Big Ell

SLAM DANCING: 2 Samuel 6-14- And David danced before the LORD with all [his] might; and David [was] girded with a linen ephod.
JUSTIFIABLE MURDER DUE TO ADULTERY: Leviticus 20-10- And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man's wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
NYMPHOMANIA: Genesis 1-22- And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
NYMPHOMANIA: Genesis 9-1- And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
NYMPHOMANIA: Genesis 28-3- And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people.
MESSIAH: Johnny Winter- It is writen in Revelation 1-14 His head and [his] hairs [were] white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes [were] as a flame of fire
ANTI-CHRIST: not among us- The Dark One is not yet among us.

For all of you Calgarians who read this blog you may or may not remember July 21st 1983. While most people were celebrating the end of martial law in Poland, Big Ell was stuck in a hole. For 16 long hours local emergency personnel were busy trying to save Big Ell and remove him from the hole. All of Calgary was riveted to the local news to find out how Big Ell would be saved. The ending was rather anti-climactic when constable Dan Pipes brought 13 pounds of lard to grease Big Ell up and out of the hole. Here is a clip of a kid stuck in a hole, it brings a tear to Big Ell's eye.

Haikus seem to be a favorite of Taichung bloggers. So here is a link to some haikus for the top 20 rock and roll bands of all-time.

Since I moved to Taiwan one of the things I have missed the most is reading the Weekly World News. So I was feeling nostalgic and went to their web site and realize they still haven’t jumped the shark. There are too many interesting and informative articles to mention here, but I did find this article on strip club etiquette. I could have used this while in Changhua but doubt that these rules apply cross culturally.

I never get tired of Old Guys fighting.

5 comments:

Sean Reilly said...

I always thought that David guy was one of your cousins. It makes more sense now, how he was always talking about guns, God, killing feds, and humming rap hymns...

ATF, to their death...

Karl said...

What strip clubs in Changhua? Godammit, nobody ever tells me anything.

BigEll said...

I only know of one near the train station. I give it three out of four poles.

Sean Reilly said...

You remember that time we were drinking crab-apple whiskey and shooting magpies and that David guy kept calling the magpies "godless sinners' and asking all of us to geneflect to him all the time? He was weird, what ever happened to him?

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