Sunday, May 29, 2005

Death Pool 2005

Palpatine vs. Benedict

As you know, last week was a shitty week of work for Big Ell. I was in the mood for blood. Then I started surfing the internet to research for my Wasting Time features which always perks me up. I stumbled upon something I figured could be fun and interesting for the whole family and my spirits were raised yet again. So in the spirit of Pope John Paul and Old Dirty Bastard, I bring to you, Big Ell’s Death Pool 2005, this pool will be a straight up rip off of the Gorilla Mask Death Pool. The full rules are on that site, but here are the basic rules:
  1. The pool will run from May 12 2005 to May 12th 2006.
  2. Contestants must choose 10 people who are going to die between the given dates
  3. Points are awarded for a correctly predicted death will depend on that person's position on your list. If the #1 person on your list dies, you get ten points. If the #10 person croaks, you receive one point etc.
  4. There is also an age factor. When you make a correct prediction, you'll receive a bonus tenth of a point (0.1) for every year that person falls short of their 100th birthday.
  5. Let's say you believe that Ben Affleck isn’t dead yet and rank him at #1 on your list, and he dies at the age of 33. First, you receive 10 points for ranking him #1. Since he’s 67 years short of his 100th birthday, you receive an extra 6.7 points, to bring your total score to 16.7. Good work!
Post your top ten death candidates in the comments section or e-mail me your candidates to (type Death Pool into the subject line of your e-mail). I will keep a tally and post the final picks. Hopefully I will find time to post something when one of the top candidates kicks the bucket. Anybody who is in my sports pools knows I am up for the challenge of administering a pool like this. Two beers to the winner if he/she is from Taichung or someone I know.
Potential Candidates
  • Pope Benedict- Pope Palpatine has to be one of the top candidates.
  • King Fahd- He is 81 with health problems so an easy mark. Currently in the hospital, so keep your fingers crossed.
  • Lady Bird Johnson- I was shocked to find out that the former first lady was still alive and kicking.
  • Keith Richards: His heart has to stop beating at some point, doesn’t it?
  • Hulk Hogan: Will all of the steroids finally end Hulkamania?
  • Charlton Heston: What will the NRA or Israelites do if Alzheimer’s takes him?
  • Liz Taylor: She didn’t make it to Cannes will she make it through 2005?
  • Boris Yeltsin: Two fisting pints of vodka has to have taken its toll.
  • Augusto Pinochet: If any deserves to die, it’s probably this guy.
  • Abe Vigoda: Fish sleeps with the fish in 2005!
  • Paul Reubens: Pee Wee Herman could be the upset special.
  • JohnWooden: The Wizard of Westwood will only get you a few bonus points but is 95.
  • Bob Denver: Gilligan will finally reunite with the Skipper in the sky..
  • Muhammad Ali: I’d hate to see him go.
  • Brian Mulroney: Former Canadian Prime Minister may be out of trouble but for how long?
  • Osama Bin Laden: Surely they’ll catch or kill him this year.


Klem said...

Get a Life. Do us all a favour.

Sean Reilly said...

Death Pool 2005

The following are my picks for Big Ell’s Death Pool 2005. I don’t wish death on any of them, but in half of the cases that’s more merciful than what they actually deserve.

1. George “Warmonger” Bush, 6 July, 1946 (58) : Because what comes around must also go around and there is a chink in every suit of armor.
2. George H.W. Bush, 12 June, 1924 (80) : If he had any decency he would’ve died of fatherly embarrassment around the beginning of the Iraq war.
3. Barbara Bush, 8 June, 1925 (79) : She’s looked at least 100 for the last 20 years.
4. John Alois Ratzinger, 16 April, 1927 (78) : Oldest ‘pope’ since 1730. Latest false pope. If there is a benevolent God, Benedict should pull a John Paul I anytime now. However, whereas JP I went straight up B XVI, like JP II before him, will be plummeting for his crimes against humanity.
5. Queen Elizabeth II, 21 April 1926 (79) : Time to get someone else on the coin. Give Charlie a chance, or that little Nazi.
6. Paris Hilton, 17 February, 1981 (24) : Lee and I figure it’s only a matter of time before something truly horrible and possibly fatal happens to this talent-less, spoiled, pornographer.
7. Saddam Hussein, 28 April 1937 (68) : Black-op, knows too many embarrassing things
8. Kurt Vonnegut, 11 November, 1922 (82) : Black-op, too outspoken
9. John Stewart, 28 November, 1962 (42) : Black-op, same team that got Hunter, and will be sent after Vonnegut and me.
10. Sir Bob Geldof, 5 October, 1954 (50) : This Boomtown Rat has not aged gracefully.

Sean Reilly, Chief Librarian
The Gentle Rant

For researching famous deaths check out: