The Last Predictions

Big Ellstradamus was reading an article by William Safire of the New York Times. Mr. Safire makes some ‘fearless,’ predictions for 2005. Big Ellstradamus thought he was no match for Mr. Safire’s wide knowledge and back door connections. Now, Big Ellstradamus is convinced that Mr. Safire is wearing rose colored glasses and on heavy doses of Prozac. Ellstradamus will now analyze some of Safire's picks.

2. Political scandals will include: (a) Senator Pat Roberts's cover-up of Senate Intelligence ineptitude in its suppressed U.S.S. Cole report; (b) association of a Kofi Annan family member with the selection of a U.N. oil-for-food official; (c) F.B.I. Director Robert Mueller's two-year campaign of entrapment and harassment of the leading U.S. pro-Israel group; (d) pan-Arabist leaders' conspiracy of silence in the genocide of African Muslims in Darfur.

Safire picked: all
Ellstradamus: All safe picks for Mr. Safire. He does fail to mention (e.) The pan-imperialist leaders’ conspiracy of silence in the Darfur genocide (f.) The pan-imperialist leaders’ conspiracy of silence regarding Guantanamo Bay, Abu Ghraib and ever other outpost in the American Gulag. (g.) The pan-imperialist leaders’ conspiracy of silence over AIDS in Africa. The list goes on and on.

3. The national intelligence director will be: (a) the Pentagon's Paul Wolfowitz; (b) C.I.A. chief Porter Goss; (c) retired Gen. Tommy Franks; (d) 9/11 interrogator Richard ("Is it not a fact") Ben-Veniste; (e) ex-Democratic Senator Chuck Robb.

Safire picked: retired Gen. Tommy Franks
Ellstradamus: Another safe call by Safire but my tarot cards and Alex Trebek say someone else. This fascist cut his teeth with Suharto in Indonesia where he gained hands on experience crushing democracy and stifling civil liberties. He was one of the founding members of the partnership for a new American Century. He has proved loyal to Bush in the Pentagon and is an ‘a-list,’ neo-conservative. Who is Paul Wolfowitz?

4. Iraqis will see the: (a) election of Ayad Allawi and progress on the bumpy road to democracy; (b) comeback of Ahmad Chalabi dreaded by the C.I.A.; (c) insurgency's sudden collapse with the capture of bin Laden and killing of Zarqawi; (d) beginning of the U.S. troop drawdown; (e) judgment of not guilty in Saddam's trial; (f) bloody Shiite-Sunni civil war and Kurds' independence.

Safire picked: (a) election of Ayad Allawi and progress on the bumpy road to democracy;
Ellstradamus: Safire is correct about Allawi, the Americans have a long history of getting corrupt thugs "elected." Chalabi? I thought they killed him already. Catch Bin laden? How can they 'catch,'someone they've already caught. I will have to agree with other establishment war criminals Scowcroft and Brzezinski and go with the civil war. In 2005 Iraq will be covered in more blood and a heavily fortified Kurdistan will be fueling Yankee SUVs.

7. Senate Democrats will: (a) not dig in their heels over elevating Antonin Scalia to chief justice if Bush appoints a centrist as a new associate justice; (b) by filibustering all strongly conservative nominees, bring on the G.O.P. "nuclear option" of changing Senate rules to require only a simple majority for confirmation; (c) drop the abortion litmus test but otherwise fight all right-wing judges.

Safire picked: (a) not dig in their heels over elevating Antonin Scalia to chief justice if Bush appoints a centrist as a new associate justice
Ellstradamus: Senate Democrats? Who knows of these Senate Democrats?

8. The Scalia court will decide: (a) to strike down federal sentencing guidelines, producing tumult in criminal justice; (b) to uphold governmental Ten Commandments displays as harmless "ceremonial deism"; (c) to strike a blow for the free flow of booze by ruling that states cannot prevent the shipment of wines produced in one state to consumers in another state.

Safire picked: all
Ellstradamus: I am not sure about this one but do know that the term "The Scalia court," has got to be the scariest thing any freedom loving American will hear. Scalia is about as corrupt as they come and should continue to take his orders from Cheney. I will go out on a limb and say that Americans can continue waving goodbye to (d) civil liberties (e) personal freedom (f) organized labor (g) and the environment.

11. The economy will: (a) boom without inflation as oil sinks to $30/bbl , the Iraq war winds down and the Sharon-Abbas peace deal takes shape; (b) tank as Asia stops lending us money; (c) march up to a 13,000 Dow, as somewhat prematurely predicted in this office pool last year.

Safire picked: (a) boom without inflation as oil sinks to $30/bbl, the Iraq war winds down and the Sharon-Abbas peace deal takes shape
Ellstradamus: Wow, an economic boom during a Bush administration. Has that ever happened? I don't think so. Think its going to happen in 2005? Think again.