Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Political Karaoke

Political Karaoke is a new addition to the rarely interesting and mildly informative Big Ell’s Blog. What is Political Karaoke? Big Ell uses his wry wit and bleeding edge sense of humor to analyze the music behind the newsmakers. To better understand the influences and the decision making process of these politico-news types you need to examine the hard drives, CD players, tape decks and record players of these post modern playaz. [The lyrics in bold are my additions]

If you can think of a better title please type it in the comment section.

What was George Bush singing when he heard Saddam Hussein was pulled out of the hole?

Well none other that Union Underground’s “South Texas Deathride.” These Texan metal heads suck but are catchy enough for Bush II. They are also a ‘Proud American Band,’ which should keep all the neo-cons rocking and rolling. It is rumored that Dubya was blastin these nu metal beats while rollin’ around Crawford in his 04 Aviator. “So c’mon c’mon c’mon get up get up!”

[Saddam] Never forget your lies
Five million might change your mind
But why must you fuck with these things
In my head for so long that I feel I could break

So c'mon c'mon c'mon get up get up
South Texas deathride you motherfuck
So c'mon c'mon c'mon get up get up
South Texas man I'm livin' it up

What was George W. Bush singing when he announced plans for the National Missile Defense System?

With the deadline for the American Missile Defense System Star Wars nearing we must go back to December 2002 and check out the vinyl being played on Dubya's vintage Collegiate Stack-O-Matic. Most people would envision Bush singing the chorus to some kind of techno or hard house song, but there’s no E in Bush, he was kickin’ it with "Planet Texas," by Kenny Rogers. Not only does Kenny know when to fold them, he has the rhyming skills of a caucasian Tone Loc: anodized-pressurized, earth-girth etc. Bush even chuckled at the surprise ending. Here is the whole song for your reading pleasure.

They rode like they was Rangers as they came out of the skies
They had High-Tech horses with beacons in their eyes
My gun was cocked and ready when I looked into their faces
That's when I knew they weren't no ordinary buck-a-roos born of the human race
No, sir, these Cowboys came from space

Their shootin' irons shot laser light and their spurs was anodized
Bandanas caked with stardust and their jeans was pressurized
One of them handed me a halter, said, "Tighten up the girth."
But by the time I hit the saddle we were miles above the Earth.
And I mean MILES above the Earth


We saw London, Paris, Budapest, Kashmir and Tokyo
And there ain't no sight like a desert night looking down on Mexico
Past the Moons of Mars and Jupiter, 'round Saturn's rings we rode
Toward the frozen plains of Pluto where even the sunshine's cold
Man, I do mean COLD

Then our interstellar stallions sailed through the starless void
There was nothing to miss in that emptiness, not even a stray asteroid
So we picked up the trail of a comet's tail, man, you can't even DREAM that
And the hoof beats beat of the rhythm of an old catgut guitar
Just the strummin' of a distant star


Well, it could have lasted minutes or a hundred thousand years
When they got me down, I was safe and sound and it hadn't even popped my ears
And they stood up in their saddles and they shot a bolt of light
That's when I knew they were the good guys, yes, sir. you got it right
'Cause their cowboy hats was White

So as they pulled their reins towards the settin' sun
I said, "Before you go, I'd like to know, just where you boys come from?"
One of 'em opened up a star chart and said, "right here where this 'X' is
It's the biggest place in Outer Space, the planet known as Texas"


If Georgie wasn’t humming this little ditty I don’t know what he was doing. Can’t you see Dubya’s frown turning upside down at the end of the song. Who would have thought that these aliens were from planet Texas? I can bet you Dubya didn't and i'd bet dollars to donuts that he now wears pressurized blue jeans. Planet Texas

What was Jeb Bush singing when he announced the installation of touch screen voter screens in Florida?

There is little doubt that Jeb was singing “Signed, sealed, delivered I’m yours” by Stevie Wonder. I understand that none of the Bush clan has a soul. It is also difficult to believe Jeb would sing a song by an African American when he could be denying them the right to vote. I do have it under great authority that Jeb crooned these five lines to his big brother during the Dade County Karaoke Pro-am in 2000. So it is easy to believe that he sang these words again when he promised to carry Florida 'again' in 2004 with a Republican paper trail. Paper Trail

I’ve done alot of foolish things
That I really didn’t mean
I could be a broken man but here I am

With your future, got your future babe (here I am baby)
Here I am baby (signed, sealed delivered, I’m yours)

What was John Kerry thinking while flying the Heinz jet to the Democratic National Convention (DNC) in Boston?

We all know that John Kerry lost his balls after he became a senator so I can’t choose an anti-war hymn; I am going with the Bee Gees. This is a lesser known Bee Gees song but after reading about network coverage of the DNC John Kerry remains unknown.

Talk about the life in Massachusetts,
Speak about the people I have seen,
And the lights all went out in Massachusetts
And Massachusetts is one place I have seen.

I will remember Massachusetts [when I am a has been]

What was Dick Cheaney humming after he told Patrick Leahy “fuck yourself,” at a Senate photo opportunity? Fuck Yourself

There can be no doubt that MC DC the VP was throwing down some hardcore gangsta rap. Many Senators claim that Wyoming’s Most Wanted got ready to punk Leahy by smoking blunts, wearin da blingbling and bumpin Lynne with Tupac’s “Fuck all Y’all,” blaring from his boom box.

I went from rags to riches quick
to socializing with the baddest [Bush’s]
went from a bucket to a rag with switches
I'm seein' death around the corner
I'm bumpin' [Lynnnnn] doin' 90 'cause I wanna
I'm getting high like I said it with some chocolate Thai
mixed with some Indonesia watch me fly
And even though I know the cops behind me
hit the weed and uh I continue doing 90 (Biotch)
will I get caught another ticket get to kick it in court
Fuck the law give a shit I'm even worse than before
I know they wanna see a nigga buried
but I ain't worried still throwing these thangs
got me locked in these chains
and hey nigga what the fuck is you wailin' 'bout
soon as I hit the cell I'll be bailin' out
And when I hit the streets I'm in a rush to ball
I'm screaming Thug Life nigga fuck y'all
Fuck y'all

No comments: