The Life and Times of Big Ell

I watched the Academy Awards last night as I do almost every year. I tried to stay away from the Internet/TV so that I wouldn’t know the results. It was almost 9:30 and I was flipping the channels trying to find Star Movies. I stopped at a channel that said Academy Awards coming. I heard the music and then a list of the winners started scrolling. I frantically tried to change the channel but to no avail as I saw the winners of best picture, best actor and best director. I managed to change the channel to the very next channel before all of the results had been spoiled. Lo and behold the next channel was Star Movies and the Oscars were about to begin. So basically the bastards who run the channel next to Star Movies (I think Cinemax) decided to show all of the award winners to screw dumb asses like me. I guess they thought that I would be more willing to watch the shit they usually play if i already knew the results. Well I watched the Oscars any way eventhough the Dolph Lundgren movie on Cinemax looked promising..

Anyway, Taiwan is abuzz with excitement because Ang Lee (李安) won the best director prize. President Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁), who sensed a golden opportunity to get in the newspapers without any controversy, quickly delivered a note of congratulations to Lee. "He makes a perfect interpretation of our goal of building a state based on culture and human rights. We are very proud of him."

Vice President Annette Lu (呂秀蓮) Annette Lu went on to call him the Pride of Tawian. This was interesting as I think Lee (based on his speech) would call himself the Pride of Taiwan, Hong Kong and China or simply the Pride of Greater China.

While most people seemed happy with the victory the best quotes (as always) come from independent Legislator Li Ao (李敖) who does not watch "gay movies."

"I do not understand gay movies and I dislike the idea of homosexuality. Well, gay people can get married, but why do they want to adopt children? What is the child going to say to his or her classmates? I have two fathers?" Li said. "This just doesn't make any sense. I think gay people are really too much. Brokeback Mountain is simply a nuisance to me."

KMT Legislator Justin Chou (周守訓) produced another gem when asked if he enjoyed the intimacy depicted in Brokeback.

"I do admire their close relationship. But I guess I could never do that in my life."

I am not sure if he was referring to intimate relationships in general or homosexual intimacy.
On a side note, an enterprising travel agent in Taipei is already trying to cash in on the Brokeback fever sweeping across Taiwan

A local travel agency has begun offering "Brokeback Mountain" tour specials, with a special discount on offer for gay couples. The package includes a 9-day trip to many of the locations where the movie was filmed, including Kananaskis Country provincial parkland, Fort Macleod, Blackie and Crossfield in Alberta Province, Canada. … It is also offering a more unique promotion: couples who tell the travel agency that they are gay and wish to share the same bed will receive an additional NT$5,000 discount.

I have taken my Taiwanese family to Kananaskis Country and they loved it. I have also taken them to small town Alberta and well, not so much love. I have worked/lived in Fort Macleod and visited both Blackie and Crossfield. Fort Macleod is pretty close to head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and has the RCMP musical ride. Apparently people want to visit the bus stop becasue it was in the movie. Trust me on this one; not that exciting. Blackie is a one grain elevator town south of Calgary. Crossfield is north of Calgary and has Pete Knight Days and a Winter Carnival. I wouldn’t describe these places as the assholes of Alberta, wel,l yes I would.

I would love to see the look on the locals faces when bus loads of Taiwanese tourists rumble into town. All of these curious tourists ambling down the main streets looking for the spots where the gay cowboy movie was shot. From my experience small town Albertans are sometimes not the most tolerant folks. I am pretty sure that the owners of the small town motels would love to get the cash busloads of Taiwanese people would bring. I am not sure what they would think about gay Taiwanese couples bunking in their establishments. It could be hilarious or dangerous depending on how many bottles of Alberta Springs are put back. At least the tourists will be able to find some 'ethnic,' food in two of the towns. The New Hong Kong restaurant in Macleod has great chow mein, Blackie has some Thai food but unfortunately Crossfield doesn’t have any ethnic food. I thought every small town on the praries had a Chinese Food Restaurant, oh how the times have changed.

Some other observations on the event and telecast:

• Hollywood actors take themselves way too seriously. Jon Stewart cracked a few mild jokes about some nominees and they looked like the world was about to end. Joaquin Phoenix had to be the worst, lighten up big fella, you pretend for a living.
  
• While I like George Clooney he needs to remember that he got his start on the Facts of Life.
• Wow, Jennifer Garner has large breasts, they sure make walking difficult.
• The Vibo commercial with the girl moving into an apartment with the two wild and crazy guys makes me want to drink a litre of draino. I have yet to see two Taiwanese guys high five each other or pump their fists in excitement unless they were trying to get elected.
• I think the Best Actor guy from Capote is the bad guy in the new Mission Impossible movie based in Shanghai. Man that movie looks like shit. Shouldn’t the bad guy be Chinese if the movie is set in Shanghai?
• Jamie Foxx needs to boycott all of these events. Every time they mentioned anything about an African American actor/actress they panned to him. He reminded me of Token from South Park.
• Bananarama has reunited and have put out some kind of greatest hits/remixes CD in Taiwan. Boy do they look old now and I feel even older. I also thought there were three of them.

Tags:[Taiwan] [Academy Awards] [Ang Lee] [Alberta]